After years of marriage, one would assume that we automatically communicate using each other’s love language all the time. Throw in career, work, kids, family, life, viruses, and everything in between and the signs, sights, sounds, touch, and smells that one’s partner responds to tend to slip down the hierarchy of priority.
Then there’s also the love language of your children, if you have them. It’s basically the blueprint for how we help them learn, grow, and of course, love. And we can’t forget the love language of our friends and those around us. Everyone has their unique love language.
For the Christians, Jesus came with a strong message of love.
I love the synchronicity of the Universe as the concept of love and love language is something that’s popping up quite often around me right now. For the Christians, Jesus came with a strong message of love. But he was not the only sage or spiritual leader to do that.
The opposite of love is hate, at least according to dictionary definitions and what I was taught. This still flows through to our education system today. Recently at bedtime, KG as his usual playful self and with a big smile asked if I hated him, knowing full well that I would say, “Of course, I don’t hate you. I love you”.
However, in spiritual literature and teaching, it’s often said that fear, and not hate, is the opposite of love. Oh, the unlearning.
It basically kicks in the adrenaline that’s necessary for our fight (driven by anger) or flight (driven by fear) response.
We largely interpret fear as a negative emotion but it’s necessary for survival and often inspires. The fear of poverty has been known to make one do incredible things. It basically kicks in the adrenaline that’s necessary for our fight (driven by anger) or flight (driven by fear) response. This was especially relevant for our ancestors when the threat of being eaten alive by a predator was real, for example.
Sadly, we’ve not evolved to distinguish between real and imagined threats. More importantly, our physiology does not make this distinction and without getting into the science of this which is well documented, we live with constant stress and anxiety.
We need to find our way back to love. What’s your love language?
Mine is nagging. In winter, this one is on repeat, “Please put on your slippers/socks/jersey/jacket”. These kids don’t feel cold!
If you didn’t like what Flo had to say, best you stayed away.
Another is the fact that I tend to spew things out, unfiltered, to those I care about. It’s always easier to see another’s blind spot. Unfortunately, these utterings aren’t always received as ‘loving’. It also doesn’t help that I come through a woman who was known for “telling it like it is”. If you didn’t like what Flo had to say, best you stayed away.
I’m here for the work. Lots and lots of repair work.
So, along with the eleven official languages of South Africa and recently, sign language has been approved as the twelfth, I’m rooting for love language to be the lucky thirteenth. Imagine a world where we prioritised love language, for ourselves and those around us. I’m allowed to dream.
“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda”. Mike McHargue
And happy birthday to Mr T! How’s the view from the 5th floor? He’s such a lucky bugger to have a younger wife 😊