Hindsight is 20/20. Something also has to be said about advancing along the maturity spectrum [aging is such a decrepit word] and the pauses it tends to enforce, in greater intensity as one goes along. I whittled away my youth always expecting my joy and happiness from external sources. I had no clue that that is what I did, but the rearview mirror quite clearly shows that my misguided life philosophy took me on a long-winded journey of heartaches and pain. It exhausted me to a point that, as I approached 35, I knew I had to jump off the merry-go-round of craziness and find peace.

God speaks to each and every one of us. Yes, even you.

That, in itself, was a process that I could only do on my own. Of course, the Universe will always send what you need, when you need it; and I encountered people and books, in particular, that set in motion my journey to find peace and comfort and above all, know that God speaks to each and every one of us. Yes, even you. It may not be in a biblical sense, but when you have a dream that is powerful and clear in its demonstration; when you’re praying and a particular thought, saying or memory comes to you; when a friend sits you down to give you some hard truths that you’re not ready to hear, when you read the bible, a book, a magazine, a tweet or post that gives you a message that speaks direct to your heart, or when you have an intense feeling in your gut and something ‘just doesn’t feel right’. These are just a few examples of how we get in touch with the Spirit within. Depending on the amount of noise, clutter and external disruption in our lives, we either get the message loud and clear, or we ignore and don’t even notice.

Sadly, I was anything but. I was lost.

I was that girl who eventually grew into a young woman who believed she ‘had it together’ and thought that the world thought so too. Sadly, I was anything but. I was lost. Losing my mother at 17 was the defining moment of my life. Did I realise it then? No. Up until that moment, life had been fairly idyllic, happy memories, no particular moments of distress, anguished needs or dire wants. Everything was provided for, even in the realm of a brutal Apartheid system where as a child, one was relatively sheltered from that harsh reality. I have the recollection of divided beaches and cinemas, not being able to go to certain places, a cousin at university involved in ‘covert’ action and so on, but when you have not been fully exposed, you remain ignorant. That was a common theme in my life; ignorance.

 

To be continued…