There have been a few videos of people giving this message: Choose your hard. If you haven’t seen any, they go along these lines: “Being in debt is hard. Managing your finances is hard. Choose your hard. Divorce is hard. Marriage is hard. Choose your hard. Losing weight is hard. Being overweight is hard. Choose your hard. Having a job is hard. Being an entrepreneur is hard. Choose your hard.”

 

There are many different iterations, depending on who is delivering the message. On the face of it, this is strong – quite powerful. That’s why these videos went viral.

 

We’re in year 15 of matrimony and let me be vulnerable: the idea that marriage – or divorce – is ‘hard’ has crossed my mind regularly. But lately, I’ve felt a disconnect with how this ‘hardness’ is often presented.

 

We’ve been taught that life is difficult. Everything is hard. It’s not easy. Hard versus hard, suffering versus suffering. Life seems only black and black. That’s the way it is. But what if the real challenge isn’t choosing the “lesser hard,” but recognising that the script itself is broken?

 

There’s another way to do this

 

As I thought about relationships being ‘hard’, my heart asked: Where is the love? Why do we have marriage and divorce? Why are there these legal frameworks around the universal concept of pure connection? Why are we conditioned by neat little boxes for how people should live, love, and learn?

 

I realised it’s not really a choice between two equal difficulties. Life doesn’t come in neat packages. Each path can carry pain, loss, or fear, as well as growth, love, or freedom. To call them both ‘hard’ feels like a shortcut – a way to simplify something that is anything but simple.

 

I also sense the control in this thinking. This is what your experience should be. Hard. When your experience is hard, you’ve got little to no time for enjoyment, abundance, and the like. You remain trapped. Who does that benefit?

 

Life is for living

 

In case you’ve missed it, we came for growth. We came to change. We came to learn. Do you want to call that hard? The bigger question we should ask is: what about softness? If there’s hard, there must be soft. Not the “soft life” that we see on the socials – a misconstruction of material comfort – but soft as in care and compassion. For ourselves and others.

 

We need to create lives that enable us to live out our potential. We need to enjoy moments and experiences. We don’t need to make things hard or rigid. The invitation is simple: notice where you’ve accepted unnecessary hardness. Where are you holding life tightly, insisting it must be difficult or a particular way? And where can you allow softness, curiosity, and care instead?

 

Life isn’t just a series of hard choices. It’s an invitation to grow, to love, and to explore the space between challenge and ease. The choice isn’t just about which path is harder – it’s about how fully you choose to live. Dear heart, when you step out of societal narratives and question the “shoulds,” you open space for something larger. You align with life itself – the quiet, universal presence that holds and guides you. Change your mind, and you begin to change your life.