I’ve been observing this phenomenon of ‘ghosting’. It’s had some airtime on social media, that broadcaster where everyone’s entitled to free airtime.

 

According to Wikipedia, ghosting, “also known as simmering or icing, is a colloquial term which describes the practice of ending all communication and contact with another person without any apparent warning or justification and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out or communication made by said person. The term originated in the early 2000s, typically referring to dating and romantic relationships”.  

 

It goes on. “In the following decade, media reported a rise in ghosting, which has been attributed to the increasing use of social media and online dating apps. The term has also expanded to refer to similar practices among friends, family members, employers and businesses”.

 

Here I was thinking that “ending all communication and contact” with toxic people was my right.

 

Imagine my surprise at discovering that this is anti-social behaviour. Here I was thinking that “ending all communication and contact” with toxic people was my right. How do I get blamed for moving my body and energy out of the path of some sorry so-and-so?

 

Ghosting doesn’t happen in a vacuum. You had to have willingly created an association. You engaged with another. Therefore, you must take responsibility for your role in every relationship that you participate in.

 

This expands beyond romantic interludes to friends, work, business, and every connection, and relationship you have. You need to understand the energy in the relationship and how you encourage(d) it.

 

I’m here for mental health and wellness but I don’t buy ghosting.

 

If you’re offended that someone you’ve been texting, sexting, video calling, or whatever gets done online these days, stops contact, hey, it’s a wake-up call. Pun intended. I’m here for mental health and wellness but I don’t buy ghosting. People can’t admit that they were naive, ignored certain signs, and a lot more.

 

Here’s the thing. I’ve been a ghoster and a ghostee. I just made that up, but you follow me. There has been a moment in my history where it was in the interests of my personal safety to pack up and leave, to be a ghost and disappear.

 

Then over the years, I’ve had to resort to more subtle protection of my emotional well-being, which was to ignore calls and texts – call blocking wasn’t invented back then. No explanation necessary. I’ve allowed you to disrespect me and now I need you out of my space. To heal.

 

If you don’t respond to my requests to hook up, aren’t forthcoming with contact, give curt one-liners and so on, I get you

 

And there have been one or two times when I’ve been ignored, by a girlfriend. But even in my chaos of yesteryear, I was aware enough to realise that silence is communication. Those who’ve done any kind of communication studies know that body language is a thing. A big thing. Silence forms part of that. If you don’t respond to my requests to hook up, aren’t forthcoming with contact, give curt one-liners and so on, I get you. I leave you.

 

I understand that we sometimes need space. To breathe. To process things that are happening in our lives. Often, they don’t have anything to do with you or me. And here we are labelling things. Someone needs distance. Do we always have to know why? When they’re ready, they can share. If they don’t, fine.

 

We cannot control what happens in others’ lives. If you accept that you are not your thoughts, why would you want to venture into another’s head? Leave that to the professionals. They get paid for it.

 

So, what’s wrong with ghosting? It’s another label that demonstrates our reticence to do the inner work. Our only duty is to release the expectation we have of others. The mere fact that you believe that someone has ghosted you is an indictment of yourself. Why the hell do you care?

 

If you’ve evolved – or like me, trying hard to – and surround yourself with people with the same energy, ghosting can never be a thing. We come together, we move apart, we need space, we grow, we come together, and the cycle of life continues.

 

If someone has been spun out of your orbit, the Universe was doing some cosmic cleansing.

 

What’s that popular quote? People come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Yet we want to keep seasonal favs forever. If someone has been spun out of your orbit, the Universe was doing some cosmic cleansing. Good riddance. I’ve never had someone who added value to my life leave.

 

My point is that we hang on too much to what other people do, say, and think. This need to be validated is so constricting. I see my 7- and 8-year-olds doing it already. Peer pressure is a bitch. How are we still here?

 

Dear hearts, here’s my thought for today. I don’t like over-explaining myself. I left that on the fourth floor. I reserve my right to “end all communication and contact” with anyone if I sense that it’s what my spirit requires. This right obviously extends to everyone.

 

Here’s to connections that thrive on high vibrating energy. And no labels. Just life.