COVID-19 was merely the starter to push us beyond our false sense of safety and routine into the realm of acceptance of ongoing change. In all that chaos and fear, I instinctively knew that it was pushing us into spaces we’d never been to for our collective good. And even though there were times when it felt as though the world was ending and our stress levels were extreme, we got through it.  But we’re never going back.

 

It’s January 2023 – or 20-20-me – and one really has to pull it back to dive into the depths of Self.  There’s no pandemic, at least in our part of the world, at this moment, but there’s a whole lot else that’s swirling around.

 

Our hearts are broken as we’ve had to leave their previous school after four years.

 

Our family is going through a huge adjustment this year; our children are transitioning into a new learning environment. Our hearts are broken as we’ve had to leave their previous school after four years. I don’t think that they will ever fully appreciate how it’s ripped my world apart as I’ve been so emotionally and socially invested. I really thought that we had found our ‘forever school’.  

 

Not only is it a different experience, but it was one of those options that flew in from the left side when we were already turning right. Fortunately, the kids were largely shielded from the behind-the-scenes decision-making. But this has in no way made the change any easier. New routines, new faces, new places.

 

I’m watching them adapt to this change and it’s a live tutorial. As I constantly remind them that “change is never easy, but it shows progress”, it’s a pep talk to myself. I’m motivated to keep myself open to continuous change. This is such a cliché, but every day is a new one.

 

The effects of load shedding, promulgated by the ANC.

 

My drop-off time in the morning has more than doubled. When I finally get out of the car at home, my legs need a good stretch. Today was the longest drive, to date. I left home at 06:45 and returned at 08:25. The effects of load shedding, promulgated by the ANC. I surprised myself with my calm, relaxed state. Ask me again in six months when I strongly suspect that we will be willing to forgo our morning (and or afternoon) bonding time in favour of supporting a SME transport provider.  

 

Change has a way of jolting us. It’s a surprise, but not the desired ‘happy birthday’ surprises that some of us love, they tend to be viewed as the ‘drag-you-off-course’ variety. You know, you’re going in one direction and out of nowhere, it feels like you’re pulled in another. At least that’s how I was socialised. Routine was praised and was preferred over ‘instability’.

 

If you’ve been to two or three schools throughout your life, as I did, that indicated ‘stability’ which translated into a good thing. Living with both parents was admirable. Staying in one home showed a ‘solid family’. Staying in the same job for thirty years was an achievement worthy of a trophy and a silver or gold pen, perhaps a watch if the employer was fancy.

 

When do I continue pushing for what I want and when do I accept?

 

Gaynor shared a post yesterday, “Constantly torn between ‘if it’s meant to be it will be’ and ‘if you want it go and get it’”. I immediately identified with this. It’s a struggle I’ve had for most of my life. When do I continue pushing for what I want and when do I accept that it’s not for me?

 

I’m here for the middle ground and believe that it’s the essence of life. I’m hoping that this will eventually be ingrained in my children’s DNA. There’s no ‘either or’ on the journey. You can go after what you want and accept that if it’s meant to be it will happen. The emphasis is on the acceptance.

 

We can and must accept change. But this doesn’t mean that we are passive bystanders. Go after what you want, what’s in your heart, but be grounded enough to know when the Universe is steering you in a direction that may not have been in your ambit. Learn to listen to the voice that does not speak. I’ve rephrased a quote from Rumi.  

 

You’re going to go after the same and get more of the same. A broken heart.

 

My measure is when the Universe keeps giving me the same lesson over and over. Let’s use the search for a committed personal relationship as an example. If you keep attracting the same ‘type’, “if it’s meant to be it will be” is only going to waste your time. Same for, “if you want it go and get it”. You’re going to go after the same and get more of the same. A broken heart.

 

Dear hearts, we’ll never end strong if we resist change, if we don’t accept life as it is at this very moment. The resistance only creates friction. There’s a caveat, of course. This must be while we’re doing the inner work; that which is completely within our control.

 

Pic credit @robynwrites