Where would you be without your sisterhood? I literally get energy from the women around me. It’s a bonding of the Feminine that no husband or partner in a heterosexual relationship can give. (I can’t speak for any other unions).

 

Those whom we’ve chosen to create and build families with were never meant to be our everything, as society and religion prescribe. We go into these relationships believing they are “to complete us” and “make us whole”. It’s only once we’re in that we discover the truth.

 

Masculine vs Feminine

 

First, we were and always will be whole. On our own. And while our partners have their unique, special roles, they are not equipped to give us what we get from our female friendships. Masculine energy doesn’t come with the intuitive, nurturing nature that’s innately Feminine. It’s not a sore point. It’s not a failure. It’s just a law of the Universe.  

 

So, an early morning call during school run with one of the mothers who shares the deep pain of having a child who doesn’t comply with the expected learning trajectory is always heart-soothing. We bond over our mirroring experiences and the things we continually do – with our spouses, of course, as this is not a solo journey – to enable our children to push against an environment that’s not developed for outliers.

 

Today’s conversation brought up “mourning the child we thought we had” as a lead-in to accept that they’re different and not following the herd. On the face of it, that resonates. Acceptance is the key to flowing through life. But as it swirled through my body and mind, I felt a disconnect. Society has this way of steering us to the norm. We love this thing of “everybody does it this way” and that makes it right.

 

Each child is capable and unique

 

I’m not mourning my child. NO! He continually shows me that he’s more than I could ever imagine. I don’t have the expansive capacity required to envision a future for him. No one can predict the future accurately these days, yet we have a school system that’s preparing leaders and innovators with rigid curricula. For university. We don’t even know what jobs will be out there in the next ten years.  

 

I am mourning though. I’m deeply mourning a system that makes him and thousands of others feel as though they’re less than. It’s heartbreaking to hear your child ask, “Why am I different to the others?” “Why don’t I learn as fast as them?” “When will my brain change?”. The measurement against others and the resultant low self-esteem are embedded as they watch the ‘achievement’ of others around them.

 

The truth is the education system doesn’t measure intelligence. It can’t. It’s suffering from the same conundrum as the corporate/work environment, which can’t measure productivity and thus pulls everyone into the office so they can ‘see’ the output. Laughable.

 

Curriculum vs Creativity

 

Schools in the main track against a curriculum and if, for whatever reason, someone lags slightly behind or ahead, they’re coached into the average mean which is not in the middle of the spectrum as you would assume. No, it’s on the higher end cause we’re “promoting excellence”. A common phrase for all schools. Is that the same excellence that is going to create jobs? Or is that creativity? I’m not an expert. Just a parent.

 

For those of you with kids who are super comfortable in the system and may have the ability to run ahead of the curriculum, most often, you’ll find that they’re held back to track against what’s required. Cause they’re not being taught how to learn, but rather what to learn. If the kid gets all the ‘what to learn’, then what is left?  No school fees.

 

There’s little to no room for any differences in mainstream schooling. For boys with the extra dose of testosterone (and possibly those girls) that’s like revving a car and pressing the brakes at the same time. It’s noisy and strenuous, damaging to a point, and no one’s getting anywhere.  

 

We parent on

 

Anyway, why are we so hellbent on getting young children to focus for long periods in groups when adults can’t even give their all in a one-hour Zoom meeting? Everyone knows what the silent button is really for.

 

Here’s to nurturing our precious souls to value love, kindness, and creativity in a system that values marks and performance. The biggest opportunities for growth and development happen in our homes.

 

Dear hearts, nobody likes a bully, but everyone has time for a kind, gentle someone.