South Africa recently woke up to the news that our golden couple, Siya and Rachel Kolisi, were calling it quits. Even I – someone who didn’t think I had any emotional connection to their marriage and fully understands that such unions are not always a bed of roses – found myself slightly sad. I don’t believe the fairytale of “happily ever after” but it’s still in my subconscious. Oh, the depths of the hidden mind and subliminal programming.

 

Siya and Rachel embodied the spirit of a diverse, unified South Africa – a vision we all aspire to. But, alas, they’re just like the rest of us. With their marriage dissolving after eight years, it’s clear that trouble must have been brewing for much of that time.

 

The pain of showing face

 

It also means that while South Africa celebrated with vociferous joy during the historic 2023 Rugby World Cup victory – our first with a Black captain leading the charge – Rachel, standing by her man during the pinnacle of his career, smiling so broadly, was in deep pain. My heart sided with her instantly.

 

Was it the instinctual female bond? That inner knowing that we are the ones who keep things together. It got too much for Rachel. Fortunately, she’s been brave enough to leave with her youth intact. The women of previous generations, and sadly even today, suffer in silence. Chronic stress doesn’t have a voice, but it unleashes waves of chaos in our bodies. Many, like Flo, pay with their lives.

 

Romantic relationships often seem to be the focus of society’s attention, but our connections with family, friends, colleagues, and every interaction we have are just as important. The people we choose to spend time with have just as much influence on our energy levels as our housemates. These can either be draining or energising.

 

Energy vampires

 

Part of my earlier alignment, before marriage and children, was realising my energy drainers. I had to shed a few people so that I could clear my aura. At that point, I didn’t fully understand the significance of energy and how it controls our lives or even how to manage it. But I instinctively knew that some people, many, just had to go.

 

Since arriving on the 5th floor, my understanding of energy has shifted from an intellectual concept to an ever-growing experience. I have a daily practice of alignment. If, for whatever reason, I don’t do this, I move throughout the day unsettled.

 

This also means that my tolerance for those who don’t vibrate at my frequency or higher is low. It throws me off. The younger version of myself would have just cut someone off or as popular culture now describes it, I would have ghosted them.

 

Growing mature is a privilege

 

The beauty of growing mature – I only now feel like an adult – is that my own journey of self-acceptance and self-love gives me leeway to be more accepting of others and where they are. It’s not easy. Actually, it’s damn hard! But I’m trying to hold space for the traumas and ways this impacts their behaviour. I’m also trying to manage my reactions to this as I, too, work to heal myself.

 

I’m entering a space where I know I have to have difficult discussions, regardless of the outcome. So, when does one know a relationship is over? When the other soul is unable to be vulnerable and engage in meaningful conversations about how we can better ourselves together. When we can’t hold up a mirror to each other, gracefully accept our blind spots, and move toward doing the difficult inner work.

 

Dear hearts, here’s to growing and glowing. Let your light shine from within.

 

Merry merry alles! Let’s meet in 2025 with love and gratitude.

 

 

Photo credit: robynwrites, remnants of rainbow skies