Current affairs are one big mess of stories of inflated egos and criminal acts – the rich, the reckless, and the ruinous. It plays on our fear of missing out and gives those ‘in the know’ currency as they relish discussing the ‘latest happenings’ at work, social gatherings and online. The reality is that there are versions of reality. When you limit yourself to what’s been curated for you by media giants and social influencers, you limit your reality.

 

What is reality? “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are”. This quote has been attributed to Anaïs Nin, a 20th century French-Cuban-American writer. Reality is based on our unique experiences.

 

When I say I’m hungry, for instance, it’s not the same as someone who hasn’t had a meal for days and perhaps doesn’t know where their next one will come from. When my kids say they’re hungry, which is all the time, I honestly don’t think they’re hungry in the true sense. They’re usually wishing for a treat or favourite meal.

 

As a human being, our reality and experience of life is determined by our values and beliefs. But we’re not always aware of these. Some are inherited, some remain throughout our lives, some change over time. This is important since our values and beliefs create our identity. It’s not unheard of for someone to reach adulthood and never have questioned their value and belief system. I find this to be one of the greatest tragedies of our human evolution.

 

Learn to question

 

Many institutions, and societal and cultural influences, are shaped by rules. Rules that have been created over time. Rules come from a particular experience, at some point in humanity, and are enforced for the ‘greater good of the whole’. The problem with rules is that they are decided and upheld by smaller groups and the masses usually follow them blindly.

 

Here’s a ‘rule’ I find myself questioning. When two people get married – in my culture and society – they share rings which tend to be placed on the second finger on the left hand. There’s so much hysteria around this. Women feel ‘valued’ by the size of the diamond – why diamonds? That’s another question – and men feel under pressure to produce the ‘right’ ring. And this rule is part of a ritual that indicates commitment. Really?

 

Open a book, turn a page

 

This is a big one for me. I admit that it’s highly likely linked to the fact that books were all we had growing up. Who remembers encyclopaedias? Dinosaurs in an age of ChatGPT. It’s understandable that younger generations are struggling with ‘boring’ books.

 

I know digital readers are a thing, but there’s something about holding a book, underlining key phrases or paragraphs, that I don’t get from reading online. Another thing is that I’m not exposed to any electromagnetic fields from WIFI and devices. And reduced screentime is always beneficial.

 

There are many studies that prove that reading leads to improved cognitive function, reduced stress, better sleep, and even increased longevity. When you read, you’re more likely to gain an expanded worldview which influences your ability to question, even the simplest of things, and lead you on a path of discovery that will help you uncover hidden biases, judgements and unconscious practices that keep you stuck. As I tell my kids, readers are leaders. Though I can’t take credit for that rhyming inspiration.

 

Raising leaders

 

So, we find ourselves living in a society with leaders who are laughable. And not just in South Africa, it’s a global phenomenon. When people in positions of influence and power are not held accountable and run rampant with their overgrown egos and often divisive values and beliefs, we create a collective identity of widespread negativity, anxiety, and unease that permeates the human experience today.

 

But there’s a solution. There’s always a solution. You are the solution! A leader is not someone who’s been given a title, position, status or has money. Every soul was born to lead their individual human experience. When you understand your inner power, that you have everything you need to make a difference, you step into a leadership role.

 

Dear heart, there’s another way to do this. Start questioning what you need to change in your personal sphere so that you can become a leader in your life. Whether you lead yourself, your family, your community, a business, your country – you have the power, the responsibility, and the potential to make it count. Watch out world, here come the new leaders!