I’ve realised that the word ‘mainstream’ has been popping up in my vocabulary a lot recently. It’s usually in the context of school and education but to be honest, we’re all living in the mainstream. For the most part.
Many of us live in cities. So, by association, we have a mainstream kinda lifestyle. Those of us with school-going kids usually have a morning routine which involves drop off, then some form of work or business activity that fills the middle part of the day. This is followed by after school shenanigans, and then an evening schedule. Rinse and repeat.
We’re on autopilot
Some of us don’t even realise that we’re on the treadmill. Many move through countless systems on autopilot; we never think to question. We simply accept. Yet, we often sense tension, which becomes a barrier to experiencing continuous love, joy, peace, and happiness.
Fortunately, we have the privilege of living with two souls who are anything but mainstream. One of them celebrated his eleventh year on earth today. His entrance signalled my first experience as a mother – and for a brief 19 months, my only experience – until the arrival of our surprise guardian angel.
Love is love
I don’t believe that a mother has ‘grades’ of love for her children. Love is love. What we confuse for loving one child more – or less – than the others is actually the different experiences we have as parents. Siblings can be from the same parents, grow up in the same home or environment, but never have the same experience.
Why? As parents, we’re growing and changing alongside our children. Just as importantly, we adapt to their unique personalities and needs. What we do with the first is not always what we do with the second – and so on, if you’ve taken on the parenting role for many. We’re human, we’re fallible, and we sometimes fail to meet their needs for growth and development.
In his relative short time here, our Rock Star (his name means ‘foundation’ or ‘cornerstone’ in Sesotho) has experienced struggles that have been painful to manage and watch. From early-onset allergies to his cognitive diversity, he’s always had a bit more to handle on an average day. This means his innate confidence and love for life and the world have slowly been chipped away.
Fitting in to a fault
He soon realised the need to ‘fit in’ with the mainstream, to dumb down his brilliance and hide behind expectations of what it means to be a child in a society that’s unkind to anything that deviates from the average. I felt a stab in my heart when I first heard him say, “I’m not the same at home as I am at school. I’m cool at school. I’m not like I am at home”.
We changed their learning environment mid-year to what many would call ‘non-traditional.’ Strangely, we all seem to fit in. We’ve seen positive changes in both children, but for the firstborn, it’s been especially rewarding to watch. There’s a constant focus on accepting and celebrating their differences, recognising what makes them unique, and seeing these traits as their superpowers.
The world is full of copycats. The mainstream is for the unseen. Happy, happy birthday to my favourite doppelganger! The world is yours. Own it.
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