There’s such an interesting development around aging. Thanks to the web – or maybe just my particular algorithm – I’m flooded with videos and posts, mostly from women, who are smashing stereotypes around aging.

 

They’re owning their years, taking agency over their lives, making change across society – unfiltered in word, though I can’t speak for digital filters. However, I do see and feel a similar theme with those I can see and touch. They’re not walking into the sunset silently. They’re taking up space, bold and unapologetic. I’m with them. I absolutely love it.

 

The popular ones – those with huge numbers of followers – happen to be those that are really ‘age defying’. There’s one who turned 70 recently and wow. She was standing in her bikini making this auspicious announcement and I think the internet exploded. There’s no competition – but even 25-year-old me would’ve felt self-conscious standing next to her. I’ve come across an 80-odd year-old woman who skips every day, she’s earned a few Guinness World Record entries for her amazing talent. The list goes on.

 

70 is not the new 50

 

Now I’m not a fan of “70 is the new 50” or whatever years you want to interchange that with. In our ‘comfortable lives’ of the 21st century, we’re wearing sunscreen, we do not have physically intense labour jobs, and whatever else wears down the physique, and so on. Yes, we have stress which creates its own kind of aging. However, overall, the average man and woman over 40 doesn’t look, dress, or behave like those before us. But.

 

And this is a particularly big “but”.

 

What I’m sensing is that there’s some dystopia around what it means to age. And man, the beauty industry has jumped on it. With a vengeance. Everywhere you turn, there’s an anti-aging remedy. I recently mentioned that ‘high maintenance’ was my word for 2025, ‘anti-aging’ comes in a close second. And here’s the other biggy. It’s also packaged as self-care. “This is how you take care of yourself”.

 

Smart marketing; soul destroying

 

Here’s my thing. If doing your nails takes away your anxiety, go for it. If religiously dyeing your grey hair gives you that joie de vivre and lifeforce energy, please continue. If having your eyelashes done every other week brings you inner stillness and calm, it’s working. If you need to buy a new outfit, shoes, bag for every ‘special’ occasion and it stimulates your creative brain, you’re winning.

 

We spend hours – not to mention the financial investment – on things meant to make us feel better. And they do, temporarily… until the next ‘fix’. I didn’t realise how quickly my nails grew until I started messing with them. A mere 10 days is enough to see that beautiful colour pulling away from the cuticle.

 

I’m not advocating for anyone to change their beauty routines and habits. But let’s call it that. The things we like to do – and can do – to beautify ourselves. But it’s not self-care.

 

What self-care really is

 

Self-care is being able to uphold your boundaries. The breath before you fall into the familiar but damaging “yes”. Saying no to things, people, places that don’t feel right. Self-care is tending to your anxiety in moments of deep stillness. Self-care is carving out time for the things you love — not because they pay the bills, but because they’re fun, they energise you, they feed your creative soul. Self-care is tending to your body in ways that heal, nourish and restore.

 

Dear heart, when you go within, you start to understand that self-care is not a marketing slogan. It’s the continual quiet courage to honour your truth – even when no one’s watching. It’s the pause that reminds you: you are already enough.

 

And guess what happens? The light radiates from within, and you beam like a beautiful, warm ray of sunshine. Some will bask in it, some will carry it forward, and some will find their own glow because of yours. The things money can’t buy.