Taking our kids to school has opened up a whole new world for me. Watching young talent develop and being an integral part of these formative years is awe-inspiring.


I’m learning new things and making new friends. It feels like I’m back at
school; it’s definitely an education.


I love the camaraderie amongst the parents, particularly the moms, as patriarchy still dictates that women are more visible during the day-to-day drop-offs, pick-ups and meetings.  There are often long chit-chats in the parking lot after our mini cohorts have been handed into the care of those special souls who can deal with multiples at one go.

It led to a discussion around the high expectations we have for our children.

This week super mom, Karabo shared that a parent was not happy with the level of education their child was receiving. It led to a discussion around the high expectations we have for our children. 


We want them to do well as we equate success with a monetary value which leads to happiness. At least that’s the value system we largely base for ourselves. In doing so, we place undue pressure and stress on our children. Learning should be filled with joy, gleeful anticipation and discovery.


This conversation happened to coincide with the Constitutional Court’s ruling that corporal punishment cannot be used in private homes. As expected, it brought out defenders and opponents en masse on social media and added to the discussion. 


What are we parents doing to our children? We want the right to smack them; so that they conform. Where’s the creativity and freedom in that? We want them to over-achieve at school; so that they find success to bring happiness.  Do we even know what that happiness looks like?

Are we mirroring our stressful lives to our young?

Gender-based violence is endemic in our society. Our economy is squeezing the life out of us. And we’re so uptight and high-strung that, at the slightest provocation, we overreact and bubble over. Check today’s news. Are we mirroring our stressful lives to our young? The quick answer is yes. We want to control and constrict their lives. Why?


The cons of corporal punishment – otherwise known as ‘spanking’ so it feels less abusive – have been sufficiently aired. Just because it’s how we were raised, does not make it right. The argument that we ‘turned out ok’ is not valid as it’s clear
that the very act of losing it with another human being, much younger and more
vulnerable than yourself, reflects some dysfunction. 


Whether from early childhood, growing pains or life, in general. Some of us, like our parents, were not given the correct coping mechanisms for dealing with frustration, anger, hurt and betrayal or any other negative emotion.


Oh, the torture of unlearning.


There’s nothing like parenting to demonstrate daily that the Universe is truly a cosmic mishmash of opposites. In a second, one can move from absolute love and amazement to harsh words, frustration and ‘I’m not a good mother’ guilt. 


A friend, on visiting our home and meeting the kids for the first time gushed, ‘oh you’re so blessed. What a lovely family’. My response; ‘you’re just witnessing the Instagram moment’. Getting everyone breakfast, bathed and dressed, and making a meal on time for lunch did not resemble ‘perfection’ in any way.


We tend to raise our children based on our experiences. We either become our parents or turn away from what we know, both consciously and unconsciously. There’s that dichotomy again. Aren’t we meant to better and improve every generation?

I want my kids to be exposed to a different set of familial and societal values and experiences that enable them to thrive.

I don’t believe that the discipline styles and education methods used in the past are relevant today. I want my kids to be exposed to a different set of familial and societal values and experiences that enable them to thrive. Removing my personal angst, stress and frustration, all those years of conditioned behaviour is work in progress. Anything to ensure that I’m a better person for them.


It doesn’t matter if they’re not top of their class. What matters is that they are creative and solutions-driven. 


It doesn’t matter if they don’t win at sport or any other school competition. What matters is that they develop self-confidence to know that mistakes are merely lessons. 


It doesn’t matter if they’re not the most popular. What matters is that they show humility and respect to all. Well-adjusted, happy adults who can make a difference wherever they are. 


That’s the aim. The rest is superfluous.