Exhaustion is a silent thief. It robs us of our energy and time. PHD ‘pull her down’ syndrome has taken on new meaning for me. Getting out of bed in the morning can sometimes feel like a mission of madness; desperate for more sleep but dictated by school drop-off. Kids getting to school is more important, right?

 

I can’t say how long I’ve tussled with extreme fatigue, but it seemed to dovetail with the arrival of my favourite lastborn. Added to my AMA, ‘advanced maternal age’ for the uninitiated.  I always put it down to the ‘two under two’, my Irish twins. Then level 5 COVID-19 lockdown caused the car crash.

 

If you’re physically impaired, your worldview is skewed. Every molehill is a mountain. Mind over matter feels like an insurmountable ask. When getting out of bed is your greatest achievement of the day, goals, purpose, and clarity are superfluous.

 

Try this while society pushes an ‘always-on’ agenda. The layers of guilt come on thick and fast. Under-achiever. Out-of-shape someone. Second-rate mom. The latter is most agonising. Do father’s feel the same guilt?

 

So, when well-meaning people, coaches, motivational and inspirational influencers, and the like, tell us to “keep moving, push forward, don’t give up” what does this really mean?  Does it mean that I push forward beyond my physical limit? Or stay in an abusive relationship as “this is just a storm that will pass”? Perhaps it’s a dead-end job or career that pleases parents and family but leaves you dead inside?

 

These are some examples when finishing what you started is most probably not the best option. These are times when it’s ok to ‘fail’.

 

Sometimes we’re caught in the umpteenth iteration of the Universe sending us a lesson that we’re ignoring.  And it increases in intensity.  That’s why it feels like such a struggle. Everything is so damn hard.

 

But we’re told that it’s darkest before the light.

 

Yes, this is true. The intensity of labour crescendos immediately before the new human bursts through the birth canal. The pain magically evaporates as you cradle the miracle of life. Anyone sitting for an exam has experienced the long hours of study, sacrifice, and focus preceding this. One cannot get to the starting line of a marathon without months of intense training and healthy eating.  

 

You put in the work; you receive the reward. But. Life’s not linear. It has a knack of taking us on roundabouts, through traffic and to unfamiliar destinations.

 

Do you know when to give up or continue?

 

It starts within. The trauma and struggle we experience mostly emanate from the thinking mind, our thoughts, what we believe about ourselves, our past. It’s what we internalise. Some call it the ‘monkey chatter’. It’s never quiet. This is why many of us are sleep-deprived. The mind never rests!

 

Many times, we tell ourselves and believe things that we would never wish for our loved ones. We treat ourselves with such disdain and disrespect. It’s tragic.

 

But back to exhaustion. How can thoughts impact the physical body? Fatigue is usually the result of a combination of factors such as stress, unhealthy lifestyle choices, medical conditions and so on. It can be a minefield to navigate one’s way out.

 

I was so busy focusing on the physical aspects of the exhaustion, seeing this doctor and that, taking this medication and that. I side-lined the mental impact on my overall health and wellbeing. I lost the body, mind, soul synergy.

 

I thought I’d learned to love Myself, take care of Myself, prioritise Me. What I had forgotten is that life throws fresh challenges that on the surface look and feel different, but all require the same solution.

 

Retreat to the Self. Find moments of stillness. Remove the negative monkey chatter. Ask for a solution. And listen. You will always receive an answer.

 

Some of my answers were so simple. Eat better to gain strength. Get the children into a routine. Sleep at a decent hour, most nights. If it’s out of your control, it deserves to be released from your mind. That kind of thing.

 

Everything is not where I want it to be, but I’m seeing incremental ‘success’ that keeps me going.

 

So, when can you leave something that you started with the best of intentions? When your life is in danger, or your health is compromised. When there’s a disconnect with your soul, your purpose. When it doesn’t make you feel good about yourself. When you’re hurting others.

 

I want my children to know that it’s ok for them to change their minds. If one lives in the moment, then one makes decisions in the moment. Since moments change, circumstances change. That’s ok.

 

What will not change is your truth. And that’s the only compass you need to follow.

 

From my heart to yours. Happy weekend!

 

Pic credit: @AntonSiebrits