My morning drive to an appointment was jolted out of automation by a billboard on William Nicol Drive today. It was a fairly non-descript advertisement. Someone else would have missed it. But it struck a chord with me. It was for a prestigious girls’ school, the religious kind.

 

This bland ad boasted four of the school’s trademark straw hats hanging on a wall. It was so vanilla, the only colour from the green ribbon around the crown of each hat. I suspect that image conjured appeal for some.

 

I’ve seen girls from the school wearing those hats – think flat-brimmed style – and I’ve always found them ridiculous. Especially for Black girls whose hair always seems to be in a tense relationship with the hat perched precariously on top, ready to fly off to some galaxy.

 

It’s a euphemism for docility. To know your place.

That’s the recollection that instigated my attention. And then the immediate thought; why do we need to teach girls to be feminine, to be ladies? In those split seconds, I realised that the word ‘lady’ is so loaded. It’s a euphemism for docility. To know your place. Ladies cross their legs. Ladies don’t swear. Ladies have long hair. Ladies do this; they don’t do that.

 

After our near experience of sending our children to an all-boys school a few years ago, I’m adamant that boys should not be separated from the opposite sex during their formative years.

 

However, since we live in such a violent, patriarchal society that perpetuates unspeakable trauma on the girl-child, I’ve tolerated the idea of ‘shielding’ young girls. You know, give them time to make them ‘stronger’, more ‘independent’ and so on.

 

But this morning, I realised that it’s just as damaging for girls to be separated from boys. The likes of the ‘lady-like’ hat-wearing school perpetuate the sickly stereotypes of women needing to be protected by men, along with all the other tropes of what it means to be a woman.

 

And with the added religious context enshrouding that school, there’s a boxing-in of women with the weight of guilt that hinders the equality we desperately need to see in this lifetime.  

 

Even in adulthood, for many smart, high-functioning, successful women.

There’s a myriad of societal inferences on the girl-child that it’s often hard to pinpoint exactly which are responsible for our overall feelings of inadequacy and hesitance. Even in adulthood, for many smart, high-functioning, successful women.

 

I guess it’s melded into our DNA after generations of ‘lady-like’ rules and restrictions. Childbirth, that biological process that guarantees human existence – there are no men without women – is not enough for men to fall to their knees in adulation at least once a day in the presence of the mothers, wives, sisters, daughters in their orbit.

 

And I know that childbirth is not a rite of passage that defines women. Neither is it aspirational for all women. It’s merely one marker of the power of the feminine. There are many others.

 

‘What I know for sure’ is one of those Oprah-isms that made her TV show and career one of the longest-running in history.

A big part of my journey now is honouring my lessons. ‘What I know for sure’ is one of those Oprah-isms that made her TV show and career one of the longest-running in history. I have such fond memories of her show and Book Club during my singleton heyday. Many of my favourite books came from her list. Oh, to be an author on Mama O’s haloed list.

 

So, what I know for sure is that life is really one long – or short, depending on when you check out – lesson. The fact that I’ve outlived Flo is an achievement worthy of deep daily gratitude.

 

I also know for sure that women are powerful. So immensely powerful. We have yet to understand and realise our power. Must we be like men? No. Do we have to retreat and isolate ourselves? No.

 

I, for one, don’t aspire to achieve success that mirrors the masculine. I’m not aware of any wars, at least in modern history, that have been born from women’s ‘mine is bigger than yours’ contests. Having said that, powerful women often espouse male tendencies in certain environments such as the harsh corporate world as a coping mechanism. When in Rome…

 

But I truly believe there’s an alternative. Where we get to decide. I want a world where women power is celebrated; our nurturing, beautiful, effortless, embracing manner is revered and sought after. Not used to fill B-BBEE quotas.

 

It’s Mother’s Day in a couple of weeks on Sunday, 8 May. I’m getting in early. Whether someone calls you mom or not, we all have a mother and the capacity to mother. Show the women in your life some love. And respect.

 

PS: Watch Oprah’s interview with Viola Davis on Netflix. Talk about power.

 

Pic credit: @robynwrites – our happy place.