How’s your 2023 going? I’ve entered the year with a clear directive for transformation. Change is here. My spirit is open to it. I’m receiving messages from all spheres regularly. And as much as I find it exhilarating, damn, it’s exhausting!

 

I’m starting to feel alienated from most people around me. I feel as though I’m speaking Mandarin when everyone else is speaking French. I’m having to tone down my inner truth so that I don’t sound insensitive and detached at best, and downright crazy at worst. This mental duel is taking a toll. This doesn’t fit with the authenticity I crave.

 

The boys were so fascinated with her as they don’t spend much time around babies.

 

Age milestones are measurements of growth and development. You see it most prominently in babies and children. There are very specific phases, with individual variation of course. For instance, we spent time with our beautiful youngest niece yesterday and learned that, at 6 months old, she’s just started eating solid food. The boys were so fascinated with her as they don’t spend much time around babies. “Does she have teeth?”, “Can she walk?”. “What would you do if she started talking now?”, and lots of other cute questions.

 

At my current milestone, it literally feels as though someone or something has flipped a light switch on for me. I have buzzing ‘aha’ moments every day. The downside of this is that my tolerance level for some behaviours and very importantly, mindsets, is at zero.  

 

The continuous lesson for me is that I must measure this attitude. Or as my roommate has told me on more than one occasion over the years, I “need to filter myself”.

 

And herein lies my dilemma.

 

How do I filter myself when I’m bursting at the seams to share the things that I’m discovering, the lessons I’m finally getting with my nearest and dearest? I get so excited when something’s clicked into place.

 

When I see someone I love in pain and all I want to do is hug them, hold them by the shoulders and give a gentle shake, and share the short and straight solution. I want to save them from the pain and heartache.

 

And all I want is to pull those around me on the journey. I’m crying as I write.

 

I. Am. Not. Enlightened. I am certainly not better than anyone. But what I am is a soul living through years and years of unhealed trauma. Largely suppressed. Some of this pain is unconscious and inherited from my ancestors. And all I want is to pull those around me on the journey. I’m crying as I write.

 

My logical self understands that everyone has to do the work themselves.

 

So, for the rest of 2023, I will continue to work on myself. And most importantly, keep my advice (aka lessons) to myself. Unless asked. But what I won’t do is stop writing.

 

To be misunderstood is one of the greatest heartaches of the human condition. Dear heart, may you find your truth and live in peace.

 

Happy Sunday!

 

Pic credit @robynwrites